The future

I often look to the future, it is a cause of constant fear and excitement.

Recently my husband and I have decided to start trying for a child. While this is an exciting thing for us, it also brings a new set of fears. Like what will my anxiety do to my potential child, will carrying a child cause my anxiety to spike, the fear of actually giving birth, and then the question of will I have postpartum depression. I also have fears about what this will mean for my career. It’s very male dominated and that may hurt my chances in the future.

These seem like silly things to worry about since we just decided this over Christmas. But they have plagued my brain for years.  In the end, I made a choice to not let my career hold me back. It will always be there. Yes having a baby and no family nearby to help watch the baby will cause some issues. But why let that hold me back, I am sure when we get into things we will be able to find a solution. We always have. The other issues involved with my anxiety will be dealt with one step at a time. I have my coping mechanisms now to help me out. And I am sure between doctors and my counselor I will be able to work through these issues.

I can’t hold myself back with what ifs. I won’t hold myself back for what ifs. Not any more.