Life Without Work

Well, here it is. My first day not working.

I would like to say I chose to leave my company. That I found a better job and will get paid a livable wage. I didn’t though. My work went through a bunch of layoffs. Well over 100 people here in Canada. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t bummed to be one of the people caught in that.I liked the team I was on. I liked my project. But here we are.

The last two weeks were very frustrating. Finding out who was being kept and who wasn’t. And then the pity ” Hey, how are you doing?” or ” Have you found anything yet?!” It was what I looked forward to the most out of today. Not having those questions asked every damn time I saw someone. I get that they care, but it is like rubbing salt in the wound. If I found work, I would have said so. And most interviews had been for out of town companies. Which I couldn’t take, as I can’t do two rents. I cracked my phone screen last night as well. I needed this phone to last me until November. I hope I can keep it going till then with no issues.

Not everything is doom and gloom though. I did finally get an interview for something local. I should find out soon what the deal is with it. They just want to check my references. I am going to start my vacation at the end of the week. Which will be nice, go see family and have a nice drive along the way with S.

Work, life and everything.

I really wanted to write a blog post, but about what?

I have started going to the gym with a friend on top of dance. I can see/ feel the improvement in my body. Which is nice. However, my period only lasted two days after being 4 days late. That has never happened before. Normally it lasts the entire 7 days. Part of me can’t help but wonder if maybe I am pregnant and my body is showing it in this weird way. I have also had less than solid poops. (Yes I am sorry I am over sharing, but this is my blog damn it!)

I kind of feel like at work, I am seeing the difference being a man make for you. I was given a shot that is “far beyond my level” of experience. Aside from some random node corruption, I feel I am handling it all well. But I found out some of the leads and the supervisor are looking at handing it off to a person more senior than myself. I thought that was a bummer and was going to accept it. That is until I saw that the guys on the same level as me were getting nice difficult shots. Now, I won’t say I am better than them. Because that’s silly and childish. I will, though, point out that I don’t just do my shot and that’s that. I do my shot and also make sure that people that are still fresh to the industry are doing ok. Heck, if I have been playing with a node and hear someone is struggling with a shot and I think that what I have been playing with will help them I will let them know about it and even show them how to use everything. This is something I can say, a lot of these guys don’t do. Mostly they just sit around with each other and blab about comic books and movies. I find it frustrating that I show more interest in the actual job and invest in the people around me, only to get looked over. Again. This has happened here before. I at least have one lead that really pushes for me to succeed. And has been trying to make sure I keep this harder shot. As she sees it is a good one to prove myself with. And to stay on the work note: the talk I had with my boss. It went nowhere, he can’t for the life of him stop trying to supervise shows.  It seems I will never have a performance review.

On a completely different front.

This summer I will be telling my dad about the sexual abuse from my childhood. I am nervous about it. Obviously. I haven’t shared a lot of my actual life with my dad. Not because I don’t love him. But because we have never had that relationship. For whatever reason, when I was little I was kind of scared of my dad. While I am not afraid of him now, the damage was done of not communicating.  I have no idea how he will take it, if its anything like my mom, I need to be ready for an extreme reaction and then the calm down.