The Beginning

Well, here I am.

I haven’t really blogged so bare with me while I get used to writing.  I generally live my life through visual mediums and writing isn’t my strong point. First I will explain why I am doing this, I am an anxious person, and I am constantly in my own head. So it is a good idea for me to get the thoughts out, to talk about the things that have happened in my past and the things that are currently happening.

Now when I say I am an anxious person, I don’t mean ” I had to talk in front of the class and had butterflies”, I am talking full on: skin is burning, my brain goes to another planet and my heart is going so fast I could power a small town. I lose all sense of who I am and what the world is. This sounds over dramatic, I know. But there it is. This all stems from a life altering event that lasted far longer than it had any business lasting. This is something I will get into over time as it is a heavy subject that I haven’t talked about a lot to other people. In fact, I only started talking about my anxiety this year. The year it became something that interrupted my life. It has caused me to miss work, lose many hours of sleep, leave theaters and not see people. This was never really a problem before, but it all adds up and becomes a bomb. Before it was just a nagging feeling that I could easily ignore. Tell myself it wasn’t there and keep going about my day. Sure there were times where I would go off into my head and find another world to be in, but it had never been a big issue I thought needed to be looked into. The anxiety was a slow boil earlier this year, it started with my chest feeling tight. A discomfort I assumed was caused by my bra being too tight, it felt harder to breathe. Then one day, on the train to work, it started. My heart began to race, I felt dizzy, it became hard to breathe, everything felt too…big for lack of a better word. I began to worry that I was having a heart attack. My friend was kind enough to bring me to the doctor that day (both of us missing a good chunk of work) where I was informed I had anxiety. I figured I wouldn’t need to worry after that. That it was a one time deal. I was so, so very wrong. After about a month of non-stop panic attacks, I finally went to a doctor to get some medication, and months after that a counselor.

All of this has brought me here. To share my journey and hopefully help someone feel less alone and that yes, it can get better over time.